I’m getting tired of being tired… Exhausted of being sad… Annoyed of the tears that randomly flow down my face regardless of what is on my mind. I’ve had enough of being sad; and that just exhausts me further.

I’ve been home all day – and I can’t stand my apartment. Being here seems to make it worse. It’s like once I walk through my front door, I feel the emptiness in my heart and the stillness in the air. I feel like I just entered into a different world. It’s gloomy here and time seems to be on pause. I hate being home, this apartment, I hate this cell.

And as much as I hate being home, I work from home. How ironic. People think that’s a plus, and maybe it would be had I not had this burden of bipolar to bare. There are times where I enjoy working from home, but then there are many more times when I think it contributes to my depression. I don’t know how to explain it, but alot of times I feel like I’m trapped in a hell. There’s an overwhelming sadness and I just sit with the tv off doing nothing but tearing for hours at a time, getting no work done, ignoring phone calls, and forgetting to eat until 4 or 5 am when I finally walk into the kitchen but I’m too emotionally drained to cook a real meal, so I eat a few oreo cookies or a bowl of cereal instead. Afterwards I turn the tv on and lay down hoping that I’ll fall asleep soon.

What a life.