When I’m extremely exhausted I sometimes see things move from the corner of my eyes. My peripheral vision I guess it would be called. It’s like a little one foot high figure that zips across the floor (lol I know that sounds rediculous). Alot of times I just blame that on sleep deprivation and my mind playing tricks on me.  I mean I’m known to have insomnia pretty bad, In fact I have it right now. But it’s not always due to exhaustion, Even way back as a child I used to see things move. To this day I still don’t like dolls. I used to see their eyes move and watch me. Wow, I just got the chills remembering that. Before I continue, and before you think I’m coo coo for cocoa puffs, I would like to mention that I’m very aware that these types of things can be caused by drug use by the parents.

The Attack of the Pliers

One memory, from way back, has always stuck in my mind because I clearly recall every detail. I was about 4 years old. I was sitting in the back seat (yep, no seatbelt laws or child seats back in the 70′s). My mother was up front in the passenger seat. I saw a pair of pliers on the floor, and I recall them glowing bright white. They began to move around on the floor, and eventually they started climbing up the back door to get onto the seat next to me. I of course was screaming hysterically, so my mother pulled me up into the front seat so I could sit on her lap. I then saw these pliers go back to the floor and try to make their way to me again. My mother didn’t see anything. surprised? that’s all I remember from that story, but later on in life I did bring that up to my mother and she recalled the exact story as well. She said that I saw a lot of things that weren’t there, and that she took me to be checked out when I was a child. Now this next part will make you laugh because it made me laugh when she told me. It does however, prove how far we have come since the 70′s though. She said that one diagnoses was that chocolate was causing these hallucinations. Yep, chocolate… Obviously they were wrong, but chocolate? Im pretty sure that America was the leader in medical science back then. In any case, I wasn’t allowed to eat chocolate for quite some time.

As a teenager, I dont recall any hallucinations, I have always seen that little 1 foot figure through my periphial though, but I don’t really consider that a hallucination. Probably because I never have seen it dead on, it has always been through the corner of my eye, and when I look, its gone. So I kind of consider that to be just exhaustion. In fact, after awhile, I began using that as my alarm that let me know it was time to go to sleep. As soon as I saw it, I would just think to myself, ok, I must be exhausted, time to get some sleep. Later on though, I had some seriously dangerous hallucinations most definately caused by my Bipolar Disorder. And shortly afterwards I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychosis.

Is it a Sign that Bipolar is Lurking Around the Corner?

So anyway, I have started seeing things again, and really frequently too. Not the hallucinations, but just alot of things moving in my peripherial vision. It’s alot different than before because it’s happenning so frequently. 5 to 10 times a day whereas before it would be just every once in awhile. It’s also not the little figure zipping by, I’ve been seeing a large figure stairing at me maybe 10 feet away. This must sound so bizarre, I can only imagine how retarded I must seem. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. I mean, I’m not scared or anything, a few times I do get the chills, but mostly I know it’s just my mind playing tricks, and therefore I barely give it any thought. I’m just hoping it’s not an indicator that another major bipolar episode is lurking around the corner. I’m really not ready for that. I generally just live with some type of daily mild symptoms. I’m used to them and it’s not so bad. But lately I’ve noticed an increase in symptoms. Now add to it, these odd occurances and I’m just getting worried. I’ve spent a good deal of time eliminating everything stressful in my life, and I try very hard to block things out quickly before they become triggers. Hopefully it’s nothing, it’s just making me feel that deja-vu feeling and reminding me of the suffering from the last major episode. I really am not ready for another one.

Filed under: bipolar disorder

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